| (no subject) |
[Nov. 20th, 2009|11:25 pm] |
I'm staring into your eyes and
I'm miles from where you are
I lay down on the cold ground
I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 18th, 2009|01:50 am] |
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i called you back, five minutes after putting down the phone, to tell you i still care. you sound like you didn't. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 15th, 2009|12:46 am] |
alps says: cos you should always be your best for your other half.
you (not alps) are selfish. and i can't believe i could like someone so selfish. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 11th, 2009|07:46 pm] |
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you don't know how lovely you are. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 6th, 2009|11:00 pm] |
you are
the last person i speak to before i go to sleep;
and the first person i speak to after i wake up. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 29th, 2009|10:15 pm] |
me = nothing
but
me + you = something
therefore
you = everything. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 21st, 2009|11:52 pm] |
Questions of science, science and progress,
Don't speak as loud as my heart. |
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| monodialogues |
[Oct. 17th, 2009|03:33 pm] |
i miss you incredibly.
i miss you asking me out every single day and asking me what my plans for the next day are. and whether i wanted to do this and do that. because, finally i can be dependent on someone without fear that he/she would start to back away.
i miss you incredibly.
i miss supper and tauhuay and 'wind in my air'. i miss saying stupid things and doing stupid things, stupid, impromptu, spur-of-the-moment, risky, careless, carefree things. because, finally i have someone crazy enough to do crazy things with me.
i miss you incredibly.
i miss you when you were paying attention, when you were not so caught up. but i understand, and i still miss last minute sleepovers, no obligations, and you always understanding. because, finally i could be working so hard with someone who appreciates and shows concern.
i miss you incredibly.
i miss your motivation, i miss your optimism and your sense of responsibility. i miss the way we used each other as role models. and we always tried to be responsible for each other. because, finally there was someone who was learning together with me.
i miss you incredibly.
i miss the ease, the flexibility and i miss the reciprocation. i miss us. i miss the way i was when i didn't have you as the last thing on my mind before i go to sleep, and the first thing on my mind when i open my eyes. because, finally here is someone for whom i would give up my perfect dreams for. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 13th, 2009|09:54 pm] |
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addiction has never felt like such an understatement. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 10th, 2009|12:37 pm] |
i take things really personally and because of that, i'm really sensitive and i can't help but be paranoid sometimes. and i draw connections, and link everything up like everything's meant to happen, like there's fate and i've got faith and we're all just hoping things turn out the way we want them to. but sometimes the problem is that, the way i want things to turn out, might not be the way others want them to turn out.
i realize that everyone's screaming for attention. and i am too. i'll be honest. but i just can't get yours.
and well *SURPRISE FOR GUESSING RIGHT* all i want is your attention. but i get other people talking to me and, showing genuine interest and i'm not even starting the conversation, which is how i'd prefer things to be. because i'd rather it be me liking someone first, and chasing someone. that's how i see things at least.
i got a little irked watching everything. because i disapprove of all that, and suddenly people want me here playing this roulette thing and then someone wants to play red and black somewhere else, some people just want to talk and i can't do all that at a time, so i'm just running around, trying to make people happy and i barely have time for myself.
but when i do have time for myself, my time is spent, thinking about you.
and then i realize oh no, people are getting drunk and some asshole's trying to make my friends who are driving drink. so i just walk over and drink that insane 3/4 vodka 1/4 orange juice crap for them. crap that i really hate and i really want to puke out. but they've got to get home safe and i'm pretty sure i'll be fine.
and people appreciate that and they observe and they actually think i'm really reliable because of that. i kind of wanted you to see that. that's why i wanted you to come. i wanted to you realize that this is what i'm good at, because i don't think i'm good enough for you yet. and i'm really trying to be better. and this is my way.
like how sometimes, i just want you to watch me play tennis, and watch me say something when i'm confident. and how i don't know how to be dependent, because being dependent somehow makes me feel like i'm being needy. and neediness stinks. i don't want to stink. i just really really want to be right.
(typing all these already feels so fanatical and obsessive. imagine me saying all these. oh god.) |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 8th, 2009|09:29 pm] |
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i don't want to go anymore. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 5th, 2009|10:14 pm] |
I don't mind it
I don't mind at all
It's like you're the swing set
... and I'm the kid that falls. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 3rd, 2009|01:31 pm] |
If I say you’re the one, would you believe me?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
i wonder how it's like, to be waving goodbye, when you're the one leaving.
because on the other side of the glass wall, you don't exactly know what to do, what would come, what could happen now, what is there left and who you will be. you stand at the tip of your toes, hoping you see a hand waving back, but half hoping you wouldn't, because there's nothing else you can do, but wave back. and waving back isn't enough.
you look down and feel surreality drench you like a bucket of freezing water. except you shiver for loneliness, for uncertainty and you shiver once, for every amazing memory that comes to your mind. it's shock really. you braced yourself for the waving, but you didn't brace yourself for what comes after, because everyone talks about going to popeyes, when all you want to do, is curl up and find someone to brace you because,
you can't hug you,
because, when you were waving with your hand,
you used up your hug with your other arm around yourself.
and you know that whoever you're waving to, has that arm around him/herself too. maybe he/she knows you're in his/her embrace too, hug back at cha. maybe.
maybe we all hug ourselves sometimes.
but when you used up that one. who's going hug you, you ask.
i will.
i will. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 1st, 2009|07:56 am] |
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now is when i need you the most. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 29th, 2009|02:06 am] |
If the sun shuts down and decided not to shine no more
I would still have you, you, you, you, you, you, you
If we see the last day and they say we gotta go to war
I'll be fighting with you, you, you, you, you. |
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| fall apart. |
[Sep. 27th, 2009|11:21 pm] |
gary - GONE
jason - GONE
amos - GONE
matthias - GONE
sheenmao - GONE
tim - GONE
huabin - GONE
alps - GONE
zhenxiong - GONE
zhanyou - GONE
i think when they are finally done leaving, bringing with them bits of me, i will fall apart. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 26th, 2009|02:08 pm] |
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i look at you and i see my future. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 19th, 2009|09:14 pm] |
i think people find it difficult to believe that i've never celebrated my birthday until i turned twenty-one just yesterday. and i realized, even though i've never expressed that, i think my friends gave me the most raucous, heart-warming and luxurious birthday anyone can have. and i really, really, really appreciate that.
then there's you. whom i don't know to whom and how to give thanks for. |
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| for you. |
[Sep. 16th, 2009|10:58 am] |
For you, there'll be no crying
For you, the sun will be shining
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you
It's alright
I know it's alright
And the songbirds keep singing like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before. |
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